Alright, let’s yak about floorin’, the stuff you walk on every day. I ain’t no fancy expert, but I seen a thing or two in my time. We gonna talk about all sorts, like that wood stuff, the fake wood stuff, even that rubbery stuff they use in them dancin’ places.

Now, first off, they got this hardwood floorin’. Real wood, you know? Like from a tree. This stuff is real nice, makes your house look all fancy-like. They say it lasts a long time too, if you take care of it right. But, lemme tell ya, it ain’t cheap. And you gotta be careful with it, water and scratches ain’t its friends. I heard tell they use oak and maple for them dancin’ floors, makes it springy-like.

Then there’s laminate floorin’. This stuff looks like wood, but it ain’t. It’s like a picture of wood glued onto somethin’ else. It’s cheaper than the real wood, that’s for sure. And it’s tougher too, stands up to scratches and spills better. But, it don’t feel the same, you know? Kinda hollow under your feet. And if it gets wet, real wet, it can puff up and get all ruined. They say you can put it in yourself, easy-like, but I dunno, seems like a lot of fuss to me.

• Hardwood: Fancy, expensive, needs care.
• Laminate: Looks like wood, cheaper, tougher.

Now, let’s not forget about that vinyl plank stuff. It’s kinda like laminate, but it’s made of plastic, I think. It’s even cheaper than laminate and it’s waterproof! Imagine that, waterproof floors! You can spill your tea or whatever and it won’t hurt a thing. They use this stuff in all sorts of places now, even in them fancy houses sometimes.

And then there’s the rubber tree floorin’. Now, this is somethin’ else. It’s real bouncy, you know? Like them mats they use in the gym. I ain’t seen this much in houses, but they use it in them dancin’ studios. Makes it easier on your feet when you’re twirlin’ around, I guess. They say it’s good for “athletic surfaces” too, whatever that means. Sounds fancy, huh?

Speakin’ of dancin’, them dancin’ floors, they gotta be special. You can’t just dance on any old floor. Like I said, hardwood is good, makes it springy for all that jumpin’ and twirlin’. And that rubbery stuff is good too, gives you a little cushion. But there’s also this Marley stuff, I heard tell. It’s another kind of floorin’ they use for dancin’, supposed to be real good for all kinds of dancin’. I ain’t never seen it myself, but them dancin’ folks swear by it.

So, what kind of floorin’ is right for you? Well, that depends on what you need and how much money you got. If you want fancy and you got the cash, go for the hardwood. If you want somethin’ cheaper that looks like wood, go for the laminate. If you want waterproof, go for the vinyl plank. And if you’re a dancin’ fool, well, you gotta get somethin’ special, like that rubbery stuff or that Marley stuff. It’s all about what you want and what you can afford.

Now, puttin’ in floors, that’s a whole other story. I ain’t gonna get into that. But I hear it ain’t easy. You gotta measure and cut and nail and glue and all sorts of things. Best to get someone who knows what they’re doin’ to do it for ya, unless you’re real handy, which I ain’t.

But anyways, that’s the lowdown on floorin’, as best as I can tell ya. There’s lots of different kinds, and they all got their good points and bad points. You just gotta figure out what’s best for you and your house.

And don’t forget them rugs! They put them on top of the floorin’, you know? Makes it all soft and cozy. They got all sorts of rugs too, big ones, little ones, fancy ones, plain ones. But that’s a whole ‘nother story for another day.

Assembling wood flooring, now that sounds like hard work. I seen them do it once, all that hammering and sawing. They gotta make sure it’s all level and even, otherwise your furniture will be wobblin’ all over the place. And they gotta leave them little gaps around the edges, so the wood can breathe, or somethin’ like that. Like I said, best to leave it to the fellas who know what they doin’.

And that’s all I gotta say about that. Now, go on and pick yourself some nice floorin’!