Well now, let me tell ya somethin’ ’bout puttin’ down them there laminate dancing sleeper assembly wooden floorin’ things. It ain’t rocket science, ya hear? Folks make it sound all fancy, but it’s just like layin’ down big ol’ stickers, kinda.

First off, ya gotta get yer stuff ready. That means the floorin’, a hammer – ya know, the thing ya bang nails with, a saw – the thingy that cuts wood, and some other odds and ends. Don’t go buyin’ the fancy stuff if ya ain’t got the money. The cheap stuff works just fine, I reckon.

Now, where ya gonna start? Not in the middle, that’s for sure! Ya start at the edge of the room, by the wall. See that little piece of wood at the bottom of the wall? The baseboard, they call it. Ya gotta take that off. Careful now, don’t go breakin’ it. We’ll put it back later, ya see.

So, ya got yer first piece of floorin’. It’s got these little clicky things on the sides, right? That’s how they stick together. Just line ’em up and click ’em in place. It’s like puttin’ together a puzzle, but way easier. Don’t force it, if it don’t fit, somethin’ ain’t right. Jiggle it around a bit, it’ll go in eventually.

• Make sure it’s straight!
• Use a level, that long thing with the bubble, to see if it’s flat.
• If it ain’t flat, ya gotta fix it, or yer floor’s gonna be all wobbly.

Keep on goin’, piece by piece. When ya get to the end of the row, ya might need to cut a piece to make it fit. That’s where the saw comes in. Measure it twice, cut it once, that’s what my old man used to say. He wasn’t always the sharpest tool in the shed, but he knew a thing or two about fixin’ things.

Now, the next Install Laminate Dancing Sleeper Assembly Wooden Flooring Like a Prorow, ya gotta stagger it. That means ya don’t start with a full piece. Cut a piece in half, or somethin’ like that, and start with that. That makes the floor stronger, ya see. It’s like bricklayers, they don’t put the bricks all lined up, they stagger ’em. Same idea.

Keep on clickin’ and clackin’ them pieces together. It’s kinda like dancin’, in a way. Step, step, click, click. That’s why they call it a ‘dancing sleeper assembly’, maybe? I dunno, these city folks and their fancy words.

When ya get to a doorway, ya gotta be careful. Ya gotta cut the floorin’ to fit around the door frame. Take yer time, measure it good, and cut it slow. Don’t wanna mess it up now, ya almost done.

And when ya get to the other side of the room? Well, ya done! Just put that baseboard back on, and yer good to go. Now ya got a nice new floor, and ya didn’t have to pay some fancy pants contractor a whole heap of money.

See? It ain’t so hard. Just takes a little bit of elbow grease and some common sense. Anybody can do it, even an old woman like me. Well, maybe not an old woman like me, exactly, ’cause my bones ain’t what they used to be. But you get the idea. Learning how to install laminate flooring is a good skill to have, saves ya a bundle, ya know.

Now, go on and get to work. And don’t forget to sweep up after yerself. Nothin’ worse than a messy house, I tell ya.

Oh, and one more thing! If you’re puttin’ this floor over somethin’ hard, like concrete or that linoleum stuff, ya might wanna put down somethin’ soft first. Like a rug, but bigger. They call it underlayment, I think. Makes the floor feel nicer, ya know? And if you wanna dance on it, cover that rug underlayment with a proper dance floor! That way, the floor lasts longer.

Alright, that’s all I got to say. Go on now, git!