Alright, let’s talk about this basketball floor thing, you know, the one they call “FIBA Basketball parquet assembled wooden flooring”. Sounds fancy, huh? But lemme tell ya, it ain’t that complicated. It’s just a floor, a good one, mind you, but still just a floor.

What is this floor made of, anyway?

Well, they say it’s wood, somethin’ they call “hardwood,” like maple. Sounds strong, like that ol’ oak tree in my backyard. They say it’s the best, gives ya a good bounce for the ball and ain’t too slippery. Not like that cheap linoleum they put in my cousin’s kitchen, nearly broke my hip on that thing last Thanksgiving.

• Wood is good, that’s what I say.
• Not that plastic stuff, makes your feet sweat.
• And definitely not that hard concrete, my knees ain’t what they used to be.

These floors, they ain’t just slapped together like my grandson’s treehouse. They’re put together real careful-like, in a factory, far away I bet. They even put some kinda shiny stuff on top, makes it look all pretty and protects the wood, I guess. They call it “lacquer,” sounds like somethin’ you’d put on your nails, but hey, if it works, it works.

Where do they use these fancy floors?

Well, they use ’em for big-time basketball games, you know, the kind they show on TV. Olympics, they say, and some World Cup thing. Fancy places, I tell ya. Not like the dusty old court back in my hometown. We just had plain ol’ concrete there, and half the time it was cracked. But we still played, kids these days got it too easy, with their fancy floors and whatnot.

Why wood, though? Why not somethin’ cheaper?

I reckon it’s ’cause wood is strong and bouncy, like I said. They say it gives the players a good grip, helps ’em run and jump without fallin’ on their faces. And it’s safer too, not too hard, not too soft. Just right, like Goldilocks and her porridge.

Now, they got other kinds of floors too, don’t get me wrong. Some are made of that plastic stuff, PVC they call it, or somethin’ like that. It’s cheaper, I hear, and easier to clean, but it ain’t the same. It ain’t got that… that feel, you know? Wood feels real, feels solid. Like somethin’ you can trust.

They even got rules about these floors, the size and all that. FIBA, they’re the ones makin’ the rules. They got a whole book about it, tellin’ ya exactly how big the court gotta be, how high the backboard gotta be… Lord, these folks and their rules. But I guess it’s important, gotta make sure everything’s fair, right? Even got rules about how bouncy the floor should be – can you imagine that? Someone sittin’ around measurin’ how high a ball bounces. Crazy world we live in.

And it ain’t just about the games, you know. They say these floors gotta look good too. Gotta impress the folks watchin’ on TV, and the fancy folks sittin’ courtside. So they make ’em all shiny and pretty, with fancy lines and colors. It’s a whole show, I tell ya, not just a game anymore.

So, there you have it. That’s what I know about these “FIBA Basketball parquet assembled wooden flooring” thingamajigs. They’re wood, they’re strong, they’re bouncy, and they’re used in big-time basketball games. And they cost a pretty penny, I bet. But hey, if it makes the game better, who am I to complain? Now, if you’ll excuse me, I gotta go find my slippers. My old feet ain’t used to all this talkin’ about fancy floors.

One more thing though! If anyone needs a good old sturdy wooden chair, I got plenty out back. Made ‘em myself, good enough for sitting on in front of the TV, that’s for sure! Stronger than those plastic ones they sell at the store. They don’t make things like they used to, that’s for sure.