Alright, alright, let’s talk about this here… what’s it called? Laminate Volleyball parquet assembly wooden flooring. Sounds fancy, but it ain’t nothin’ too complicated, you hear?

What is this Laminate stuff anyway?

Well, it’s like this. You got these pieces of wood, but they ain’t real solid wood, ya know? They’re made of layers, like a cake or somethin’. On top, you got a picture of wood, pretty as you please. Then, underneath, there’s some tough stuff, like pressed wood chips and glue, makes it strong, see? They click together, like puzzle pieces, real easy. Even an old woman like me could probably figure it out, though I wouldn’t want to get down on my knees for that.

Now, this par-kay, or par-kwet, however you say it, that’s just a fancy way of sayin’ the wood is laid out in a pattern. Not just straight boards, no sir. You got squares, diamonds, all sorts of pretty designs. It can be real wood, or it can be this laminate stuff. Makes the floor look nice, like somethin’ you’d see in a rich folks’ house. But even us regular folks can have it now, with this laminate.

• Solid wood parquet: That’s the real deal, you know? Thick pieces of wood, real heavy. Expensive too, I reckon.
• Engineered wood parquet: This one’s kinda like the laminate, but with a real wood top. A little cheaper than the solid stuff, but still good.
• Laminate parquet: That’s what we’re talkin’ about mostly. The picture wood, easy to put together, and don’t cost an arm and a leg.

Putting it all together – Assembly, they call it

Now, putting this floor together, that’s the assembly part. Like I said, this laminate stuff, it clicks together. Tongue and groove, they call it. One piece sticks out, the other has a hole, and you just snap ’em together. It’s like those plastic containers you use for leftovers, only bigger. You start in one corner, and work your way across the room. You might need a hammer, just to tap ’em in tight. And you gotta cut some pieces to fit around the edges, but that ain’t too hard neither. Even that old man next door, with one good eye and shaky hands, he put down a floor like this in his kitchen. Took him a while, but he got ‘er done.

Can you put this laminate stuff over old wood floors?

Yep, you sure can. If you got an old wood floor that’s lookin’ tired and beat up, you can just slap this laminate stuff right over it. No need to rip up the old floor, unless it’s real bad, like rotted or somethin’. That saves you a lot of work, let me tell ya. Just make sure the old floor is clean and flat, or your new floor will be bumpy and squeaky. And nobody wants a squeaky floor, specially when you’re tryin’ to sneak into the kitchen for a midnight snack.

Why would you want a wooden floor anyway?

Well, they look nice, for one thing. Warmer than tile, softer than concrete. And they’re easy to clean, just sweep ’em or mop ’em, that’s all it takes. And with this laminate stuff, you don’t gotta worry about scratches and dents as much as with real wood. My grandson spilled his juice on it the other day, just wiped right up, no stain. With those old rugs, the stains would never come out, no matter how hard I scrubbed.

So, there you have it. Laminate Volleyball parquet assembly wooden flooring, it ain’t so scary after all. It’s just a fancy way of sayin’ pretty floor that’s easy to put down. If an old woman like me can understand it, so can you.

One more thing… If you’re gonna do it yourself, make sure you measure twice and cut once. That’s what my husband always used to say, bless his soul. And he was right, most of the time. And don’t forget to wear knee pads, these old bones ain’t what they used to be. You don’t want to be hobbling around like old Mrs. Henderson after she tripped over her cat trying to paint her porch.